THE UGLY TRUTH

 Let me tell you something about women. Women would have us believe that they are the victims; That we break their hearts for sport. That's crap. They say they want romance, they say they want true love, but all they want is a check list. Is he perfect? Is he handsome? Is he a doctor? For you men who fit the criteria, don't kid yourselves. Cuz they're not sleeping with you, they're sleeping with a carefully calculated set of venal choices. Money over substance, looks over soul, polished over principles. No gesture, no matter how real or romantic will ever compensate for a really impressive list of credentials



 
But you want a relationship,
then here's how you get one:

 
It's called a Stairmaster.

 
Get on it, and get skinny...

 
...and get some trashy lingerie
while you're at it...

 
...because at the end of the day,
all we're interested in is looks.

 
And no one falls in love
with your personality at first sight.

 
We fall in love with your tits
and your ass...

TRUE FACTS ABOUT WOMEN

"Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman language than
it  does in man language.

Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the
direction that they are heading.

All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it.
Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they
really have 5 pounds to gain.

If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can
probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"

Only women understand the reason for "guest towels" and the "good 
china".

Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let
into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights.
All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet,
taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

Origin of the word "woman" is: woo-man.

If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy
toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid
to stay up...thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets
them in more trouble)

Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a
flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they
"left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it 
themselves.

Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men
arrested.

Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims
to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to
Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay, You don't
see straight men dancing together.

Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out
and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women
checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other
women.

The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing
the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, "Oh-my-GOD,
there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!"

fathers day gift

I would like to send a special thank you to the McLean family for the gift card from Matco! You guys have been a big help to me and I really appceciate you all.

High School Reunion

This weekend was my 20 year high school reunion.  We gave it our best shot but the town still stands.  It was great to see the people who came.  At first I must admit I wasn't going to go.  But a couple of true friends really wanted me there so I went.  It was funny to see how people change and how some don't.   Some people commented on my facebook and how they look forward to my posts.  That really made me feel good.  I try to post things that I think will make people laugh,  nothing too serious, just light comedy.  

I flew to Disneyland for Father's day, my place to be relaxed.  A place where I can chill out and get away from everything.  Nothing is bad in Disneyland,  if it was possible to bottle the feelings, smells and food I would have a room full.

Girls -  This should have its own blog, daily I could tell you about things that happen to me that further confuses me about the opposite sex.   I recently had a girl texting me, but shes also dating another guy.  I let her know that if I was him I wouldn't appreciate that and that she should stop contacting me.  What is it with Girls?   I would like to find one, that wants what I want but having problems in this area.  This is not an invitation for anyone to set me up or have more people contact me.  Just the facts and I know everyone has felt like this at some point in their lives.  I ask myself, Why me.  If anyone can answer that I would be happy to hear your answer. 

random thoughts

This week I overheard my dad ask my sister what his brothers last name was...... I couldn't believe it.  We received pies from my uncle which is what set off the conversation.   The pie was shipped to us and let me tell you it is worth writing about.

This week I went to a hockey game and even though the team I was cheering lost I had a great time.    Here is a picture of one of my friends and I with some bud girls I think. But, really does it matter where they are from would you look at them.

Friends

Every have friends that were more like family? Where you would do anything for them and they would do anything for you? A friend that it doesn't matter how long you have been communicating if seems like you have known each other forever.

I have friends like this and I am so glad to have them in my life. We can spend hours together and it seems like only a few minutes. There is never a dull moment.


Thanks for being in my life, here is to many more years of our friendship.

what a day

The other day I was cleaning up an accident.  I have cleaned up hundreds of them but every time I respond to a really bad one it makes me appreciate the little things.   Today for instance I wanted to plant some fruits or vegetables.  So i went to the local hardware store and bought tomatoes.  One problem, I hate tomatoes....

But it was relaxing to get my hands dirty and plant something that will produce food.   I really want to start a garden, but then again I don't eat many vegetables.

family times

Have you ever had someone over react from something you did?  I recently experienced this.  I am a big kidder, I like to have fun.  I was trying to do that with a family member and it turned into a big mess. 
Some of the family took sides, and some stopped talking completely.   I wish everyone had a fun loving side to them and didn't take things so seriously.